Joint Facebook accounts aren't wild/STRONG - and the assumptions made about those that have them

"you have a friend request from SamanthaNBryan Wilson"

How much do you want to bet that old Bryan has nothing to do with that account? I'd wager quite a bit of money that says he basically gets updates from Samantha once a week - or whenever one of Bryan's dimwitted friends messages the account thinking that their bro has even the smallest bit of access to it.

So why do we see these joint accounts? One reason and one reason alone, a lack of trust. This is why whenever I see one of these social media abominations, I assume a couple things about the men who have allowed themselves to become subjected to it.

1. You or your significant other got busted cheating, in person or online

2. Your significant other does not trust you to be online by yourself

3. This lack of trust bleeds over into your "real life"

4. You ask permission from your wife - to do anything - like a child

5. You beg for sex

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Perhaps none of these things are true. Like I said, these are assumptions I make when I see your wife discussing her favorite Pinterest posts with her girlfriends, with your name attached to it. It's the online equivalent of forcing a man to attend a baby shower - that no other men will be attending.

The worst is when I see men who I respect (or used to prior to witnessing this social media castration ) with these accounts. What happened to these men to make them so broken, so willing to have their balls placed securely in their wives' purses?

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"I'm just trying to keep the peace bro. It's not worth it to fight it," one guy told me when I asked how this happened.

Keeping the peace? Your marriage is like a fucking relationship between Palestine and Israel?

Let me tell you exactly how this conversation would go down in my relationship (it wouldn't, because my woman respects and trusts me, and I respect and trust her) and how it should go down in yours.

"We should get a joint facebook account baby, it'll be nice and that way we wont have to worry about who we are talking too. It will be open and build trust."

"No."

Or this:

"I don't trust some of these women who friend request you and talk to you online. I would rather we have a joint account. If you don't have anything to hide, you wouldn't mind."

"No."

You should be with someone who trusts you, who respects you. You should, in turn, trust and respect them. If you don't, getting a joint Facebook account is not going to change that, it is just going to make you the subject of your friends ridicule - your friends who are better than you, who are in better relationships than you, who have someone in their life who respects them.

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Your significant other should be a partner, not a superior. You should never ask permission from your partner to go out with your friends or do anything on your own. You should tell them what you are doing, because you respect them. Your partner should never be someone you fear - someone who you can "get in trouble with."

If your partner ever brings up a joint Facebook account - and you consider it for even one moment, slap the shit out of yourself for being an idiot - and then get to work on fixing the obvious problems plaguing your relationship.

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If you have allowed your partner (read, "wife") to run your shit for years and you are already in way too deep for this to be a simple conversation, then at the very least, for the love of god, just tell your boss (read, "wife") that she can have her own page and to take your name off of it. You can deal with the other issues later...without facing the well-deserved scorn of your peers.

I have a number of friends who will read this and be angry, feel as if I'm disrespecting them or their relationships. You should only be upset if the assumptions I listed above, are true. If they aren't, you should simply laugh at how wrong I am and be happy that your relationship is strong - and be happy your beaten-down husband isn't reading it. I shared it on Facebook and we all know he doesn't get unsupervised time on your "joint" account.

Starbucks red cups and other topics that make you a slave

Why you should be too busy to debate this latest manufactured outrage on Facebook

Disclaimer: This post, by its most basic definition, brands me a hypocrite. However, this hypocrite is about to make you a better person. If being hypocritical once means the tribe benefits long-term, then I suppose I'll do it.

This week began like any other for me; up early, strong coffee, pack my food for work and head into the office as the sun crests over the seemingly unending horizon that makes up the plains of Wyoming. Once into the office, the week took the same ugly turn it always does. I logged on to Facebook and was immediately met with a wave of horrifying stupidity.

The latest topic offending people this week? The color of the very Starbucks cup sitting on my desk at that moment. Just 15 minutes before,  I had unknowingly participated in an act of microaggression against Christians the world over. I purchased coffee from the devil himself. A corporate entity so devoid of spirituality, so bereft of goodwill, so offensive, that they had the gall to NOT print Christmas decorations on their cups. Here I was, thinking I was just buying coffee, when in fact, I had made a strong anti-christian statement.

New Starbucks cups. Red...just like the devil.

New Starbucks cups. Red...just like the devil.

The internets were ablaze with comments and posts from both sides. From hashtags like #AreYouSerious? to the more bumper-sticker-ish posts of *said in a deep southern accent* "Why y'all tryin' to take Christ our of Christmas?". A credit to my Facebook friends, most of them fell in the category of "This is so fucking stupid it makes my head hurt."

The problem is, it doesn't matter what side of these ridiculous, fabricated issues you fall on - you are spending your time talking about them (This is where the hypocritical part comes in. Yes, I know, I'm sitting here talking about it. You win.) You are posting about it, you are talking about it with your friends at work. Social media has become a valuable tool for companies marketing their products. If I was working for Starbucks, this is exactly what I would want from a new campaign. Get people talking about you, that's the name of the game. (It should be noted: Starbucks also announced the same day they would be paying for kids of vets to go to college, but no crazed evangelical preacher ranted about that on a video with 13 million views, so hence, no Facebook discussion).

When you talk about these manufactured topics, you are proving how malleable you truly are. This is what makes you a slave. You do what you are told, you talk about what you are told to talk about and you share the opinions you are told to have. Stop it. Spend your time talking about things that matter, or better yet, spend your time NOT talking. Spend it learning. The next time social media bands together to tell you what you should have an opinion about today, fight back. Be a rebel. Instead of getting sucked into some endless troll-fest on Facebook about the war on christmas, or the war on women or the war on men, or the war on this or that (so many wars!)...take that urge to post and channel that energy and time into reading a book, researching a topic online that you may not know enough about, or learning a new skill.

Author NOT arguing about Starbucks cups on Facebook. Which activity do you think will make you a better person?

Author NOT arguing about Starbucks cups on Facebook. Which activity do you think will make you a better person?

Social media can be a great tool that brings people together, but more often than not, it's a place for the ill-informed to spew their shitty opinions about shit that doesn't matter. If you want to play that game, that's fine. Be a slave. Be indoors posting on your computer. I'll be outside doing something cool or inside a gym lifting heavy-ass weight. Who do you think will feel better about themselves when they are finished? Come join me and be wild/STRONG instead of stupid/BORING.

Author - Cheyenne, WY. Get outdoors and experience what the world has to offer, instead of staying inside and debating the latest manufactured issue on social media.

Author - Cheyenne, WY. Get outdoors and experience what the world has to offer, instead of staying inside and debating the latest manufactured issue on social media.