Dave Castro loves fucking with people – and I don’t just mean by programming disgusting Open workouts that make you question life and want to quit CrossFit.
Every year I am inundated with Forrest Gump level intellects telling me what the Open movements will be because they "totally get" Castro's Instagram clue. Last week, when he posted a video of him swimming, everyone went crazy – “There’s gonna be swimming in 16.1!,” then the “smarter” crowd showed up to the comment party – “No you idiots - he is “under” water so there will be double-unders!” Castro then posted two little jugs or some shit as another clue – “Oh my god it’s a couplet!!” “No you idiots, it’s two bowls, representing yin and yang – so it’s a couplet with two opposite movements!”
Then we got a triplet with no double-unders and no swimming. Castro posts random pictures to fuck with you and then comes up with a story as to how they were clues after the fact - and every year thousands of people who would probably have a hard time reading a book without pictures - play into the game.
Castro went a step further and even explained, saying the clues were "obvious". "I posted a video of swimming 25 meters...obviously that's a 25 foot overhead walking lunge." *record skips* Dafuq?
This week, Castro was walking along a street in Asheville, NC and saw a fire hyrant. “Hey guys, watch this, I’m about to troll 290,000 people who entered the Open.” *snaps pic* “I can’t wait to read these idiotic comments about what this random fire hydrant represents as a movement in 16.2!” His friends then gather around on their phones and read stupid comments as they share a hearty laugh.
“It’s a fire hydrant. Firefighters climb ladders, so there is gonna be a clean ladder in 16.2” (real comment)
“It’s a photo of the book “Grapes of Wrath” – that’s a story about a family headed to California to pick-fruit. Oh my god, we are gonna be picking fruit for time??!!!” (loosely based on a real comment)
“Grapes of Wrath” – 20,000 people showing up every day for 800 jobs – Holy Shit, 20,000 double-unders followed by 800 burpees. FUCK YOU CASTRO!!!!”
If you ever want to confirm the theory that 95% of the world population is mentally challenged, read the Open workout prediction comments below Castro’s clues. If you still aren’t convinced, read the comments below the CrossFit Games Leaderboard (250,000 people who can't figure out how to upload a video or use filters to find the region they want to look at )
Nobody ever predicts the Open workouts right – and they certainly never get them right based off of “clues” provided by Dave Castro’s Instagram account. If someone nails it this go-round, I will NOT stand corrected - I will simply admit that out of 300,000 comments - a blind squirrel found an acorn.
If I was Dave Castro, I would be doing the same thing – taking completely random pictures and posting them to my account, then coming up with a story afterwards. Here, this is my prediction for 16.2. I want you to guess what my prediction is based on this photo.
Sit back and enjoy the announcement tonight. You aren’t going to predict what the WOD is. You there, the idiot speed-reading Grapes of Wrath to get some “insights”. Slow down, it’s actually one of the best books ever written – it just won’t tell you what tonight’s event will be.