13 Things Only People Who Log Their Macros Understand

We've made no secret that we think (read: know) the best way to fuel your body is by logging your food and counting your macros. It's a lifestyle that only those who participate in really understand all the quirks about. Here are a few of those quirks and struggles we all totally understand, especially when you are first starting out.

1.       If you only eat one bite from a container, it doesn’t count. How do you even log one bite of Ben & Jerry’s? I mean yeah, I went to the freezer like 8 times for “one bite” and easily had one full serving, but thank god I did it in one bite increments so it doesn’t count.

2.       If you eat a small portion of anything with your hands, you don’t have to log it.

3.       If you can find something on My Fitness Pal with lower fat than every other option, you log that one. I mean, someone did the tests on it right? Everyone else putting 20g of fat next to it was clearly wrong.

4.       Alcohol. Remember when you used to be able to get drunk? Me neither.

5.       Peanut butter is not a source of protein and trail mix is not a “healthy snack”. It’s just fat – all the fat. Hummus is not "packed with protein" and the 89 pita chips you scooped it up with wont help "get you toned".

Your new life guide. It can bring you joy or misery, but it will be a part of your life, every day. 

Your new life guide. It can bring you joy or misery, but it will be a part of your life, every day. 

6.       You’ll never be able to eat a burger at a restaurant – ever. Once you start logging, you realize these places use the cheapest, highest fat 60-40 ground beef available. One burger – like the kid’s menu burger at any restaurant has almost my entire daily amount of fat content – and forget about having cheese.

7.       Pizza – god I remember pizza. Cheat meal (read: day) meant ordering a large pepperoni, mushroom, jalapeno and olive thin-crust and devouring the entire thing. Now I look at the numbers for one piece, realize how terrible it would be to only eat one piece of pizza…and just scrap the entire idea.

Pizza. Remember pizza?

Pizza. Remember pizza?

8.       Egg whites. Ugh. All the egg whites. Choking down 16 ounces of these things with no bacon or real eggs because you fucked up on your fat all day. We all know this struggle.

9.       Realizing almost everything BESIDES egg whites has at least some fat in it – and how fast that adds up during the day.

10.   Paleo hate. Sure it’s a terribly elementary way of eating and not ideal if you are trying to perform, but my real deep-seeded hatred for Paleo and those who eat this way? Pure jealousy of how much fat you eat every day.

Just remove the bun and it's just like what the cavemen ate...right?

Just remove the bun and it's just like what the cavemen ate...right?

11.   Answering the same questions over and over – which happen to be the same questions you asked someone when you first started. “What app do you use to log your macros?” or “how do you figure out what your macros should be?”…especially frustrating when they are coming from people who are asking you because they read your article on logging, which included the answers to all these questions.

12.   Making weird orders at restaurants that make the waitress think “is this person trying to be healthy or difficult?”. “Can I have the salmon, but instead of eggs on the side can I get egg whites and no bacon or sausage…AND the bread pudding French toast with cream cheese frosting?” You see, I’m hitting my protein without taking too much from my fat so I can enjoy that delicious cream cheese frosting!

13.   Eating weird combos of food after 8pm in order to hit those numbers dead-on. 4 ounces of egg whites, a glass of juice and a child’s package of Teddy Graham’s – that’s a normal snack ok, leave me alone.