The mamba is described by nature guidebooks as a fast-moving, terrestrial, venomous snake, native to Africa.
There is a lesser-known sub-species of this creature however – and he is actively attempting to move in on your girlfriend or wife. Rather than venom, his weapon of choice is his camouflage and his ability to be viewed by your woman as a “friend” or someone who “is certainly not interested in that way.”
The term “mamba” is actually one coined by my brothers and me years ago while we were all in our teens. All of us have extensive experience (both humorous and not so) and research with this slimy, ground-dweller – and after a recent exchange with a woman, I realized that while many men can spot this creature – woman for the most part have no idea this game exists – and therein lies his power.
I recently had a conversation with a woman – she was sharing a story and in it, mentioned her ex-boyfriend from years ago texted her about a work project. I interrupted the story, immediately identifying her ex-boyfriend as a mamba.
“How does your husband feel about your “good friend” who you used to date, who stays in touch with you and texts you?” I inquired.
“Oh he’s not like that at all, I mean my husband is not a fan, but my ex is harmless.”
Over the course of the next 3 hours, we dragged it out of her that this ex basically has been playing the game step by step from the mamba’s handbook (which we will lay out in a moment). From “oh he’s not like that at all”, to 3 hours later when she admitted he had texted her the night before asking if she would like to have a drink while she was back in town for her work trip. Mamba-confirmed. “He’s not like that” and “he’s not interested in that way”, are hallmark traits of the mamba.
I assure you, he is interested in that way. However, unlike the mamba’s enemy, the alpha-male, the mamba lacks the assertiveness to communicate honestly with a woman who is available. He instead hangs around, lurking in the grass, seeking out the companionship of an already attached female – the relationship is “innocent” – the mamba does not have to put himself out there where rejection can happen. He can then slowly begin his hunt. The mamba's habitat is the "friend zone" but he does not intend to live there forever.
Real men despise the mamba, despite the snake’s inability to pose a real threat to his relationship, the man views him as an annoyance that must be rooted out of his life. This can prove trickier than it seems. The highest level mambas can present themselves so well – that a man can actually play directly into his trap by acting out in jealousy.
If the mamba’s superpower is his camouflage – I present to you the beginning of the end for these little beta-males. Your field guide to genus Dendroaspis – the mamba. The different types, how to identify them and how to deal with them.
The Facebook mamba: This is the most common of all mambas. Many of the other types utilize the skills of the Facebook mamba, so always try to identify if this is your mamba, or if he is just using social media to accomplish his goals. The Facebook mamba is someone from your woman’s life, past or present, who uses the tool to stay in her life…just in case you ever leave her life.
He “likes” pretty much every post. If your girl is showing off any “physical attributes” in a photo, it will always generate a “like” followed by a simple “wow” or “looking good”. The Facebook mamba’s venom is the weakest of all the sub-species – but beware if he is a more deadly type just using the social media tool. If his contact with your woman is limited to Facebook, dealing with this mamba is fairly simple – you don’t need to. Trust me, he sees pictures of you guys together, he knows of your existence and is simply waiting in the grass – hoping that one day he sees an update that you have left the picture. Then he will strike – and probably fail. If he is messaging your woman on Facebook – and the only way you would know this is if a.) she told you or b.) you snooped. If you snooped, go kick yourself in the face for being an insecure asshole. If she told you, let her know it bugs you, but you trust her to deal with it properly.
The ex-boyfriend mamba: He knew her before you did, he may have dated her longer than you have, she shared her life with him – deep down you know that many of the things she says to you, she said to him long before you.
It eats you up a little inside – I get it, we are all like this, we have all dealt with this in our relationships. Some guy is probably dealing with those feelings about you as the ex! Some of us express this frustration and get labeled as “jealous” others don’t and avoid the label – but we all feel it the same way. So when this guy stays in the picture, yeah it bothers us. The ex-boyfriend mamba’s game is simple. Stay in the picture. As a couple, they had mutual friends. He stays friends with them, he comments on their social media posts, he likes their new profile pics. He lurks around on the edges, just in case. He comes up with excuses to reach out via text or call at least a couple times a year – all designed for one purpose: To stay on her mind, so if or when you exit the picture – he is still in it.
The co-worker mamba: The deadliest and most dangerous of all mambas.
He spends more time with her than you do, he can ask her out to lunch and it seems innocent, “it’s just a work thing”. He understands her job on a better level than you do, he knows her frustrations at work, he shares space and time. This is the mamba who is most likely to graduate from mamba status to full-on “I tried to sleep with your woman” cobra status. He is completely disguised in the co-worker’s cloak. Dealing with him is a very delicate dance. If you have a solid relationship, your woman wont need to seek out the comfort of talking about her life/problems with another man – but if you are having problems, he is there for her. Typically the co-worker mamba will broach this stage of his game first – opening up about his relationship problems, or something going on in his personal life – in hopes that this will set the stage for her returning the favor and creating an intimate (even if not physical) relationship. A man who will complain about his relationship and divulge details about his partner with another woman, is a piece of shit looking to cheat. This is never ok. This is a betrayal of the trust a man should have with his partner.
So how does the alpha male deal with these annoying betas that inconvenience his life?
The key thing to remember here is that the mamba’s strike only possesses venom if your relationship is shit. If you don’t communicate with your woman, if your relationship lacks trust and intimacy. Be present in your woman’s life. Don’t like her friends? Tough shit – her friends are part of her life and you are part of her life – attend her work functions, be a face to those who might lurk in the grass. The threat of violence – even the presence of a man who is clearly willing to take that route, will send most of these betas running for the hills. Be proud of your relationship, be proud of the fact you are with this woman. Don’t be some guy who is afraid he’ll look weak if he post photos or shows affection on her social media pages. If you have a strong relationship with a committed partner, the mamba cannot infiltrate that.
So you are having problems – you have trust issues, your relationship may be on its last legs. Does this give some beta clearance to disrespect you and make a move on your woman. Fuck no it doesn’t. If a man will move in on a woman who is already involved with someone else, he is a pathetic low-life and needs to be taught a lesson. If he does strike and is not successful – because your woman says no, take his teeth home with you in a box. If he succeeds, kick her to the curb, he can have her because she is worthless and willing to disrespect herself and you have no need for her in your life – and then take his teeth home with you. Regardless of the state of your relationship, a man cannot be allowed to show this level of disrespect without consequences. There are certain people you cannot disrespect like this – are you one of them? You will face consequences for these actions as well – in our society, handling your business like this will get you some time alone in a small room with bars on it. What is the price of your dignity, of your respect? A wise man once told me “lose sleep over what you did, not what you didn’t do.” I try to live my life by this motto and it has always served me well when implemented.
Hopefully you can simply share this blog with your girl if she has someone in her life that you know fits the mamba bill. She can see that him asking her to lunch, offering to stay late and help with work, talking about his relationship, constantly trying to stay in her life – are not signs of him being a “good friend” but signs of him being a thirsty mamba. But remember, his game is about deceit and disguise. Convincing a woman that her fun friend is actually trying to hit it, is tough. Women want to see the good in people – and it usually takes a mamba finally trying to make a move to convince a woman that’s what he is – and even then they will blame themselves for inadvertently encouraging this behavior.
In the end, trust your woman enough that you know she will tell you about these interactions and act in an appropriate manner. The best and in my opinion, the only way to deal with these characters – be open and honest with your woman. Tell her when something is bothering you – tell her why. This is how adults communicate in a relationship. Or you can go snooping through her phone, probably find something you really didn’t want to see, or something you think is something you didn’t want to see, make a big issue out of it, look like an insecure asshole – and give her something to tell her really nice, innocent friend Brian at work about tonight – since he was nice enough to offer to help her work late.