Joint Facebook accounts aren't wild/STRONG - and the assumptions made about those that have them

"you have a friend request from SamanthaNBryan Wilson"

How much do you want to bet that old Bryan has nothing to do with that account? I'd wager quite a bit of money that says he basically gets updates from Samantha once a week - or whenever one of Bryan's dimwitted friends messages the account thinking that their bro has even the smallest bit of access to it.

So why do we see these joint accounts? One reason and one reason alone, a lack of trust. This is why whenever I see one of these social media abominations, I assume a couple things about the men who have allowed themselves to become subjected to it.

1. You or your significant other got busted cheating, in person or online

2. Your significant other does not trust you to be online by yourself

3. This lack of trust bleeds over into your "real life"

4. You ask permission from your wife - to do anything - like a child

5. You beg for sex


Perhaps none of these things are true. Like I said, these are assumptions I make when I see your wife discussing her favorite Pinterest posts with her girlfriends, with your name attached to it. It's the online equivalent of forcing a man to attend a baby shower - that no other men will be attending.

The worst is when I see men who I respect (or used to prior to witnessing this social media castration ) with these accounts. What happened to these men to make them so broken, so willing to have their balls placed securely in their wives' purses?


"I'm just trying to keep the peace bro. It's not worth it to fight it," one guy told me when I asked how this happened.

Keeping the peace? Your marriage is like a fucking relationship between Palestine and Israel?

Let me tell you exactly how this conversation would go down in my relationship (it wouldn't, because my woman respects and trusts me, and I respect and trust her) and how it should go down in yours.

"We should get a joint facebook account baby, it'll be nice and that way we wont have to worry about who we are talking too. It will be open and build trust."


Or this:

"I don't trust some of these women who friend request you and talk to you online. I would rather we have a joint account. If you don't have anything to hide, you wouldn't mind."


You should be with someone who trusts you, who respects you. You should, in turn, trust and respect them. If you don't, getting a joint Facebook account is not going to change that, it is just going to make you the subject of your friends ridicule - your friends who are better than you, who are in better relationships than you, who have someone in their life who respects them.


Your significant other should be a partner, not a superior. You should never ask permission from your partner to go out with your friends or do anything on your own. You should tell them what you are doing, because you respect them. Your partner should never be someone you fear - someone who you can "get in trouble with."

If your partner ever brings up a joint Facebook account - and you consider it for even one moment, slap the shit out of yourself for being an idiot - and then get to work on fixing the obvious problems plaguing your relationship.


If you have allowed your partner (read, "wife") to run your shit for years and you are already in way too deep for this to be a simple conversation, then at the very least, for the love of god, just tell your boss (read, "wife") that she can have her own page and to take your name off of it. You can deal with the other issues later...without facing the well-deserved scorn of your peers.

I have a number of friends who will read this and be angry, feel as if I'm disrespecting them or their relationships. You should only be upset if the assumptions I listed above, are true. If they aren't, you should simply laugh at how wrong I am and be happy that your relationship is strong - and be happy your beaten-down husband isn't reading it. I shared it on Facebook and we all know he doesn't get unsupervised time on your "joint" account.